work at home arrangements
Stay at home moms? Do you ever feel guilty about spending money?

This question is for all SAHMs. I am a stay at home mom. My husband works really hard (16 hour shifts) to support our family. He makes pretty good money, we usually have around $500 to $1,000 left over at the end of the month after all of the bills are paid and this all goes into savings ( we have a 100 year old house that we are fixing up). The thing is is that I feel really guilty about spending money, becuase it’s not mine, I didn’t earn it. My husband will occasionally give me $10 to $15 a week for an allowance every so often, but I feel very guilty about spending it, even though it goes for gas for my car or to buy our kids clothes at a sale or something, or if I need something… I still feel guilty. Do you ever feel this way? How much spending money are you usually given a week/ month? I just feel like I’m picking my husband’s pocket every time I spend anything…. suggestions? What arrangements do you and your husbands have? Thanks in advance!


Sounds like you probably worked before you had children. I felt the same way at first, when I had my last child and needed to stay home with him. It lasted for quite a while until one day I broke down in tears and told my husband that I felt like I wasn’t contributing any more! WOW was that a turning point. Mind you my last one was born when I was 40 and I had worked since I was 16, except for 1 yr. off to finish college in my 30′s.

He said the same thing these other fine people have told you, and he also reminded me that this was a partnership and always had been. But our roles had moved to another level and we needed to take ownership of the responsibility, pride in what we were doing (raising kids is such a privilege and don’t ever forget that), and satisfaction that we are doing well in this “life thing” as a FAMILY.

We sat down and re-did a budget. Decided who would be responsible for what, what we would do together, etc. And that takes all the emotion out of it. If we know that we have $40 or so after tithing, savings, bills, and so forth then we know what can be spent. That petty cash fund goes into a jar or envelope and when we need or want something, we know where to go to get the money. Every once in a while (set a defined time period-example biweekly if you are paid biweekly) and make a date night together and make some coffee and sit at the table after the kids go to bed and work on the finances together. See if your budget needs tweeking, are there unexpected expenses looming, do you want to save for a holiday , and so forth.

Hope this helps and I so admire what you are doing as a family to restore that home, what treasured memories you must be making. Oh and yes……….ease up on yourself, the guilt sounds like it is coming from within. Smile and enjoy life.

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